Toxic people will hurt you and then try to make you feel bad that you are mad or hurt or upset. It's known as blame shifting. Instead of taking accountability for their own actions, they blame you for "having feelings." Abusive people do this
And the thing you have to understand about her is she'll kill what she desperately wants, out of fear of the pain. Because somewhere along the way someone convinced her she didn't deserve it. So she destroys, telling herself holding the knife hurts less.