Funny jokes for adults

You should never ignore words of advice from people who are qualified to give it – otherwise things can turn out like in this story. A man on a flight to Chicago suddenly found himself having an urgent need to use the bathroom. He headed over to the men’s room, nervously tapping his foot on...

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies...

God was just about done creating humans. He was feeling pretty satisfied with his work, but he had two parts left over. He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he thought he might just as well ask them. “I’ve got two things for you, but you’ll have to decide who gets...

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says "Hey, what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint. Come up and join me." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey, and they have another joint. After a while, the...

anything you sinners want and more

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150. His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!" "I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother arching an eyebrow. They knew what a new F150 cost. "Well," he says, "this one cost me...

A man walks in to a bar with a box under his arm and says to the barman... ... “If I can show something you have never seen before will you give me a free drink?” Now the barman has seen mostly everything in his time and says, “Sure, impress me and hell, I’ll give you a free tab for the...

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends £15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”. ‘About 32,’ is the...

Stolen Bike